Martina Vančurová

With the beginning of the year, we tend to want to change something. We set resolutions - see the Big Special on Resolutions article. In the article 3Z - Stop, evaluate and change, we write about the importance of stopping to find out what needs to be changed. So good then. But how do we actually find out what we really want?

Attitude towards your wishes
Isn't it selfish to think about your dreams and make them come true? We hear you - don't be selfish, think of others. However, thinking about others and doing what makes me feel good (of course, so as not to harm others) is not excluded. The more satisfied we are with ourselves, the more satisfaction we radiate and can transfer it to others. So we can easily throw away the self-defeating whips, they are useless.

Why is it important?
We need to know what we want so we can observe if we are moving in that direction, if we are acting in the spirit of our desires, if we are living the life we want. Are we giving our attention to what is important to us? Are we growing the garden of our lives? Or, on the contrary, do we waste most of our energy on things that bother us and are unpleasant for us? It is quite easy to find out. Listen to what you say, what you think. What words are coming out of your mouth and what is going through your head? That can be a pretty harsh realization, right? How many times do we find out that it is exactly the opposite: most of the time we deal with what we don't want at all.

I know what I don't want
It is often clearer to us what we no longer want, what annoys us, what we would like to do away with. We certainly won't define our wishes in terms of I don't want to... or I won't..., but knowing what I don't want can be a good start. From what we don't want, it's easier to get to what we want. Let's turn what we don't want into its opposite. Is this what we want? Maybe not quite, but you can correct your wishes. What we don't want points us in the right direction, and we tune it out with gradual calibration.

And why and why and why?
Knowing what I want is not enough. In order to feel that what we desire is important, we must find out why we desire it. Only why does it hide our desire behind it. Only the why reveals what we really desire. Let's keep asking why and why we want it. When we reach the very end and it just can't go any further, we find out what our true motivation is. Finding your why gives you strength and steadfastness. We will know that what we wish for is not just some whim, but something vitally important to us. Most likely, we will find that it has to do with our values.

What is most important to me?
Values are the principles on which we build our lives. They are things we believe in. When we understand this, our desire suddenly appears before our eyes in a new light. Everything will suddenly become crystal clear. Our values become the arguments for our actions and the compass of our life journey.

Back to the present
Then let's go back to how things look in our lives right now. Let's not panic if we see a huge gap between reality and how we would like it to be. Now we not only know what we want, but also why. No need for radical gestures. Let's take small steps. What is the least we can do to bring the new quality we desire into our lives? The more, even small things, we incorporate into our life, the sooner it starts to become the way we want it to be.