The first stop in the call for authenticity and the search for self

For those in their thirties, we can think of the “midlife crisis” as a manifestation of an identity crisis. It is not so much about physical changes, as a man is often at the peak of his powers and abilities or possibilities, but rather about the question “am I really living my own life, or am I just fulfilling the expectations of others?”

This age is often associated with career dynamics, starting a family, fulfilling social roles. Men often find themselves in autopilot mode, and so they often do what is expected of them. To build a support system, to be reliable, not to disappoint, to keep emotions in check. But it is precisely during this period that the first cracks in the system begin to appear. There is fatigue from the "script", from the flight, when the autopilot is mercilessly flying at full speed, and so a man may notice that this flight script may not be their own. Therefore, people in their thirties deal with issues of authenticity. Who am I really when I put aside the roles I play? What is truly mine and what did I accept just because it was "right" or "it should have been that way, because that's how it's always been done and has been done"? In therapy, this is often the first time they have the opportunity to stop, question the given flight path, and formulate their own compass. At this stage, the "crisis" is primarily a chance to leave life on autopilot and start building one that is more in harmony with oneself.

A second stop for accepting limits and generativity when strength wanes and the time for handover comes

In older age, the midlife crisis takes on a different form. Here, the biological factor is much more evident, namely a decrease in testosterone, which often means slower regeneration, fatigue, loss of energy, which can lead to questioning one's own attractiveness or importance and contribution to the world around them. And we are talking about the first real whiff of old age. What used to be taken for granted suddenly requires more strength. Men encounter the limits brought about by this reality. Roles also change, children leave home, career peaks are reached, and the question is no longer "what will I build?", but rather "what will I pass on?". We perceive here a kind of generativity, i.e. the ability to pass on experience, support younger generations and find meaning in what one has built. The crisis thus does not only take place at the level of the body, but also at the level of values. The questions "what is the meaning of my life? What will be left after me? What has real value?"
Men who can accept the loss of strength and transform it into wisdom can live this stage with a deeper truth. It is no longer necessary to prove oneself through performance, but to share experiences, support others, and seek one's own form of freedom.

And what to do about it?

The first step is to slow down and allow yourself to really stop. To ask yourself questions that you haven't had time to ask before. What is truly mine? What am I doing just out of habit? What fulfills me and what drains me?

It is important to talk about these feelings – with your partner, wife, friends or a therapist. If a person feels stuck at a certain stage in life or does not know where to go next, it may be appropriate to seek psychotherapeutic support to help them orient themselves and find their own direction again. Sharing often relieves the burden that men carry alone.

The key is to stop seeing a stop as a threat and start seeing it as an opportunity to start a new chapter in life. Every man has the ability to change direction and start living more on his own terms. And it is this courage that often leads to a sense of freedom that autopilot never allowed.

Get help now